1. |
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Can't go outside
Can't love myself
Can't even seem to love somebody else
Dissolve in total disconnection
It's been two years
Your life's plateaued
Somewhere along the way your progress slowed
Stall out at a busy intersection
If I check off
Enough boxes maybe
I'll finally win
Paralyzed by the thought of losing
Self abusing
I don't know if it'll in end
When I look into her eyes
I see his dying wish come true
But through all of this pink I still can't seem to stave off all the blue
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2. |
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Just wait!
For the next catastrophe
Suffer social atrophy
And no I haven't eaten but it
It doesn't matter
It doesn't matter anyway
There's no way out of this
Obligation to exist
I guess that I'll just throw a fit
It doesn't matter
It doesn't matter anyway
Yum!
It permeates my mouth
The guilt and shame and doubt
I guess that I'm a woman now
It doesn't matter
It doesn't matter anyway
My dad critiques my weight
While I can't touch my plate
I'll fake a stomachache
It doesn't matter
It doesn't matter
I spent years wishing I was cis
Or at least that I look like it
Maybe starving's a price to pay
Got my wish but it doesn't matter anyway
I skipped my meals today
And you said I look great (Oh my god you look great)
I feel like shit! But hey
It doesn't matter
It doesn't matter anyway
He prays to god I disappear
Cause I embody all his fears
We haven't spoken in years but
It doesn't matter
It doesn't matter anyway
credits
|
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3. |
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I hate punk bands I hate sports
I hate going to Backspace on Saturday nights
I hate peace I hate war
I hate ripping off John Lennon
I hate myself I hate you
I hate ones I hate twos
I hate love I hate hate
I hate waiting for you to text me back babe
Sending cloud emojis your way
Sending cloud emojis your way
Sending cloud emojis your way
Sending cloud emojis your way
This is stupid I'm so dumb
Kick my feet in the air when I'm talkin about you and
Bright pink bubblegum
Am I even enough of a woman?
Am I your type? I don't know.
Die of frost bite, stuck in the snow
Blue umbrella chance of rain
I hate waiting for you to text me back babe
Sending cloud emojis your way
Sending cloud emojis your way
Sending cloud emojis your way
Sending cloud emojis your way
|
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4. |
morbid obsession
04:00
|
|||
Tell me I'm pretty
Wait never mind, don't
You're pouring ammonia down my beautiful throat
Still I can't resist
I'm drinking you in
Its melting my insides and leaving the skin
Tell me I'm pretty
Give it a shot
Right through the temple and then leave me to rot
And I'll hope and I'll pray
To leave a heavenly stain
Devout at the altar Im in love with the pain
I'm just a ghost
Of flesh and bone
Ritual sacrifice me
Aphrodite's throne
Rip out my throat
Virgin blood flows
My face possesses every
Moment that I know
Tell me I'm pretty
Slam my face in a wall
Rip out my entrails and admire them all
And then feast on my guts
No it's never enough
I'm just a ghost
Of flesh and bone
Ritual sacrifice me
Aphrodite's throne
Rip out my throat
Virgin blood flows
My face possesses every
Moment that I know
|
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5. |
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I'm so angry with myself
For letting you hate me
I know it's fucked but I feel like a failure
Raise your voice but don't speak
Stare down at your feet
Men's shoe size 12 I'll never be cinderella
Fluorescent lights and bathroom tiles
Crying alone in grocery aisles
Now that my bubble's popped
I'm fucking lost
I think I'm gonna be sick
I'm just a damsel in dismay
But no one ever wants to save
Princess of plastic dolls
She's six foot tall
And probably has a dick
If I just
Do things well enough I'll win
Pick it up and try again
Shattered pieces of the fantasy
That I could just exist
Do you think that I could be
Noticed at the grocery store if
I wear the gayest boots in my collection
If not, then what's it gonna take
Just want to hear someone say
"I like your style" a split second connection
I look down and mumble "thanks"
Staring at the peeling paint
I'll misspeak and be
Flustered and leave
Don't want to cause a problem
Am I a fool for wanting more?
Is the best that I can hope for
To be still alone
While they go home to
Somebody who loves them
I'm so soft and delicate
My skin's like porcelain
Any stranger at Whole Foods can smash me into pieces
I feel like an idiot
For thinking I could piss
They called me pretty and I just fucking believed it
Now I'm a full agoraphobe
I'll fill the woman's role at home
I'll be like Marceline
Vampire queen
I'll never see the sun
Fuck I mean what's a girl to do?
Every time I play I lose
Feel like I lost a life
Reset and died
I'm back to level one.
If I just
Do things well enough I'll win
Pick it up and try again
Shattered pieces of the fantasy
That I could just exist
|
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6. |
kiss me!
02:31
|
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7. |
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November I was seventeen
You paint my nails an ugly green
Got dumped in a stupid outfit
Feels dumb when you think about it
So what? We never even kissed
And I still get angry over it
Two boys drift apart together
Melting my heart in the southern weather
Are you scared to love me?
Sky looks so dark above me
Do you want to fuck me?
Skin deep into self discovery
I needed more from you back then
Stuck being your best boy friend
You wax poetic bout how much you need her
I'm so pathetic i just wanna be her
Wrong time wrong place it's so cliche
I'm trans and you don't know you're gay!
Fag and a dyke in a movie theatre
Distorted quiet from a busted speaker
Are you scared to love me?
Sky looks so dark above me
Do you want to fuck me?
Skin deep into self discovery
I'm trying to find a way to say this
Don't take this the wrong way
Look on the bright side
I've got a lot on my mind
But that's okay I'm
Doing just fine
I'm taking my time like
Ladadidada
Ladadidada
Dadadada-da
Are you scared to love me?
Sky looks so dark above me
Do you want to fuck me?
Skin deep into self discovery
|
||||
8. |
||||
When I think of you the butterflies start moshing in my guts
Ricocheting off my stomach lining now they're limping
Nauseating suffocating makes me wanna throw up
Overloaded, screaming butterflies shut up!
When I talk to you my tongue's a ribbon tryna make words nice
Monologuing to the mirror till my commas flow right
Changing jackets, different outfits, but it's never enough
Every day and night, you got me fucked up
You make my heart sore
Could say let's care less but it just hurts more
It's you I cry for
After everything I guess I'm still yours
You make my heart soar
You make my heart sore
You make my heart soar
You make my heart sore
I hate everything you've ever said or ever even done
Your friends hate you too so I know that I'm not the only one
I guess I could cry but why would I waste water over you
LA's in a drought and I'm heat sick you make me want to
I love everything you've ever said or ever even done
Load my love into the chamber blow your brains out with my gun
Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye
Cause you're bulletproof it's awful it just makes me want to cry
|
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9. |
hermit crab
02:46
|
|||
I went out to get a brand new coat of polish
After that i went and walked around the mall
Teenage girl in a world that won't see her
She tries hard but it won't matter after all
It's never enough
It's never enough
It's never enough
It's never enough
Drown out dysphoria with estrogen and glitter
If I sparkle loud enough then maybe I won't hear
When they call me "he" or "sir" whatever I'm not bitter
Maybe the hormones will have more effect this year
It's never enough
It's never enough
It's never enough
It's never enough
"Give it time" they say "I promise it gets better"
Is it me or is the world getting worse?
Castrate me slowly and burn all my baggy sweaters
At this rate I think I'll end up in a hearse
At this point it's like fuck why even bother?
I left my shell to find a slightly bigger one
I'll cut my hair and change my pronouns to whatever
Playing a losing game was never any fun
It's never enough
It's never enough
It's never enough
It's never enough
|
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10. |
||||
It'll be alright
It'll be okay
You can start to slowly like yourself again
Dissolve into your own reflection
It'll be alright
It's gonna be okay
Your outward appearance doesn't matter anyway
If you don't live to see the day
And I love you
And I see you staring back at me now
Got so used to the feeling of your breath down my neck
Even when you weren't around
I can't help but crack a smile
I don't care if I look plain dumb
At the thought of you slowly disappearing
Underneath my tongue
Don't you cry again
Killing time
Future's coming for me
Let the past just pass away (pass away)
It's alright
I just know it will be okay (no, it's okay)
Anyway
Blood pumped full of estradiol (full of estradiol)
Who cares if you're six feet tall (if you're six feet tall)
Stick another needle in the vein
Drinking bright pink ethanol
Love the hurt cause after all
Womanhood is pain
Don't you cry again
Don't you cry again
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TAMAGOTCHI MASSACRE Los Angeles, California
so girly it hurts.
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